Has Anyone Seen My 20s? (Part 2)

Continuing with my whining about getting older and the surprises that come with it, I seem to remember my knees being placed in the middle of my legs for the first twenty or thirty years of my life.

But now when I look in the mirror, something's not quite right.  My knees appear to be creeping closer and closer to my shins.  I'm not sure my shins are okay with this.  My ego, to be certain, is not.

And what's with the random appearance of a very fine, almost translucent (but not quite), wispy hair that comes out of the side of my neck?  One day, it's not there.  The next day, when I find it, I realize that I could pull it back and have it join my ponytail.  And why did NO ONE ever tell me to watch out for this?  

Several years ago I noticed a strange sensation whenever I lifted my arm(s) to wave at someone.  My waving hand suddenly had a friend in the loose skin of my upper arms waving right along with it.  I swear, I sat down and wept right there in the driveway.

My grandmother had loose skin.  I'd even noticed my mother's when her toned arms started to give a little.  But to see it (and feel it) on my own arms was just too much to cope with.  It's like having my own little set of batwings.  I was sure this wasn't going to hit me for several more years.  I'm a later-in-life mom, so I was still picking up a baby/toddler when I noticed the wings.  I was just sure as the sun comes up in the morning that lifting 20-30 pounds 97 times a day would ward off the saggy arms for a little while.  No such luck here.

What's next?

Wait.  I don't think I want to know.

Has Anyone Seen My 20s? (Part 1)

Strange little things started happening when I turned 30.  I noticed that it took a little more effort to lose five or ten pounds than it had five years before.  And I also noticed that the skin above my knees wasn't as firm as it once was.  But other than those two things, I didn't really notice a lot of changes that I anticipated, especially since some of my older friends would often say, "Oh, honey, just wait until you turn 30."

So I rocked along through my 30s, and those little changes became a bit more pronounced, but they were nothing to write home about.

Then I turned 40 and all hell broke loose.  I've been known to stagger up to people and say, "For Pete's sake, what is happening to me and where are my 20s?  And while we're at it, I'd like to know who in the heck stripped away my 30s."

When I mentioned my distress to my mother a couple of years ago, she just looked at me and grinned.  It was a grin that caused me to flashback to my smug teens and even my overly confident 20s, and that's when I realized my mother's grin said, "Ha-ha Ha-ha-ha HA!  Marian's getting hers!"

I vividly remember sitting with my parents in the sanctuary of the First United Methodist Church as a teenager and watching my mother try to hold the bulletin two arms-lengths in front of her.  We sat about halfway back from the front of the church, and I thought it was hilarious to ask Mama if she'd like me to creep up to the front pew and ask Mr. Tom or "Miss" Mary Nell Currie if they'd hold theirs up so she could read what hymn was coming up next.

Now, I don't know why my mother didn't knock me into the next week except that she had the (only) gifts that come with age and experience on her side.  She knew that one day, one sweet blessed day, it would happen to me, too...a fact that never even crossed my tiny little mind.

It sure as heck crosses my mind now.  Look what I had to break down and buy.

Sadly, these are just three of the pair I've had to buy because it's not like I can remember where I put the first pair of little devils.  

Oh, yes, the 40s memory spasms have started, too.  

At least now if I write myself a little reminder note, I can put on my new eyes and actually read it without asking the neighbor across the street to hold it up for me.